After some much needed and most cherished talk today with dear friends, I was contemplating some of our discussion. One of those things was how our children are growing and I am now on the cusp of teenager-hood. I remarked how we are in the homestretch. I grieve almost... how it has gone so fast, almost unbelievable. To see the end of the road much nearer than anticipated, and all too well knowing there isn't much time to get this "right." Yes, part of me feels the pressure to get it right...before long it will be over, and her childhood will be an etched in her mind as a memory. What will be etched there? Oh, I truly do worry that it will not be ideal.
Then my mind starts to drift over all of things we dreamed of when she was a newborn...the "somedays" have passed, the "one day when..." is here and now. I realize we are living in the future I once dreamed of, and it doesn't match my dreams.
I grieve agin. Why, oh why is it not turning out like planned? We don't have much time left....
Then I hear God whisper...
"But what have you done with what I have given you?"
I am on my knees.
I weep inside.
Oh, how do I become so distracted? So anxious over the future, so regretful of the past, that I am forgetting the most important-the present.
What am I doing with what He has given me? So what if it doesn't look like my dreams. Most of it doesn't because my dreams are just that- my dreams. His will is here. It is now. What am I doing with what He has given me this moment?
Am I regretting the past, looking toward the future, or worse yet, worrying about the future? Or am I aware that I am living in this place at this moment because this is where He has me.
The truth is, we have had it good. This path is where God has put us. We are blessed abundantly. That needs to be the focus.
I don't hold the road map. He does. I need to focus on the journey and not the destination, because it will all be over before long. We will have arrived. I do not want to look back and realize I missed the excitement of the journey. I want to see each moment for what it is- His will for me. Then ask Him, what should I do with each moment?
Then, and only then, can I be assured that I am making the most of the time. The homestretch years are coming, and I need to be present more than ever. What am I doing with this time He has given me? I pray to keep my eyes fixed on the moments and not the dreams, because each of those moments will be built into the future that He is preparing for us.