I have always been a worrier, a ponderer, and at times can even be an obsessor. I stalk my own thoughts and obsess over the "what-ifs." I can make elaborate scenarios and live them out before they ever come to fruition, and most times they never even do. I like to think that I have made a good amount of progress in this area, and have learned to trust God more and more. But, in the end I am still a work in progress.
Last night though, I had a revelation. I realized that the sin isn't necessarily just in the worrying and lack of trust, but in trusting circumstances over God. I am constantly living by my circumstances and not by God's sovereignty.
You see, I realized I always have my eyes on the circumstances around me. I completely limit God. I know in my head that God is more important than circumstances, and I know that He is sovereign, but so often my heart needs to line up with my head.
In trusting in what is going on around me, I am limiting the power of God and what He can do. I have seen time and again how he blows me away with His provision and His grace. He has been merciful and forgiving and faithful. He has amazed me with things beyond my dreams, and yet this small voice deep down in my soul, continues to seek comfort in circumstances rather than in Him. I continue to want everything around me lined up, giving me comfort and hope. Yet, He is the only HOPE. There is no hope in the future without Him.
Because the bottom line is, if the circumstances around me weren't comfortable or easy, or even blessed...God is still the same. I don't praise Him for what He DOES but who He IS. So why, oh why do I trust the things going on around me? He was there for me in the darkest times of my life, the same as He is in the brightest. He is always the same and always constant and He deserves no less worship in either time.
I have also seen when I've been the darkest, He was preparing me for bigger things. The dark things are always used for good, so no matter what the circumstance, my job is to rest in Him and let Him lead me through the mountains and the valleys. I can be assured even though we are living on the mountaintop these days, the valleys are coming. So instead of obsessing over the "what-if," I must live in the "what He is." So when those days come, I am not taken by surprised, disappointed, or discouraged, but I will continue to live with my eyes on Him and who He is, knowing He remains in control of all things.
In the end, no matter where we are...we are only seeing a glimpse of our life. We only know a limited amount...
but if we were to pan out of the scene we are in and see the big picture, the full plan He is working on...we would be amazed.
So many times looking back, I see what I thought was an awful circumstance, was truly a blessing in the bigger picture. He uses it all for good...and I must trust His bigger picture.
No matter what the circumstance is, I rest knowing He created the very circumstance, whether mountain or valley...for for His glory and His purpose alone. My eyes need to be fixed on Him and not what is around me, knowing that He is on the throne no matter what is going on around me. I trust in Him alone.